HAVERHILL -- Elaine Barker has always considered herself "a very positive person."

She's not the kind of person who lets things faze her, but this time was different. One of her family members "was just not nice at all," and she didn't know who to turn to. After Mass at All Saints Parish in Haverhill, she approached the pastor, Father Christopher Wallace, and asked for his advice. He told her to get in touch with the parish's recently formed Stephen Ministry.

Stephen Ministries is an ecumenical Christian caregiving ministry founded in St. Louis in 1975. It is present in 13,000 Christian congregations worldwide, both Catholic and Protestant. Barker ended up being the first person to receive care from All Saints' Stephen Ministry.

"This particular caregiver was absolutely wonderful," Barker told The Pilot on March 27. "She listened. I knew she cared. Of course, they don't give you answers to anything, which is fine, but just the fact that I knew that someone was listening helped me through a great deal."

When she and her caregiver met, the caregiver always brought a devotional reading that applied to Barker's situation.

"It not only helped me get through this ordeal, but it really helped to strengthen my faith," she said.

All Saints' Stephen Ministry began meeting in 2019. It was founded by Tony Felieu and Kathleen Fitzmeyer. After the death of Fitzmeyer's husband, Paul, Felieu recommended that she talk to a Stephen Minister.

"I don't think just I need a Stephen Minister," she told Felieu at the time. "I think that would be good for the parish."

Getting involved in the ministry itself helped Fitzmeyer heal. Since 2019, she estimates that the Stephen Ministry at All Saints has helped 35 people. Stephen Ministers are now in the parish's English-speaking and Hispanic communities. Another Stephen Ministry, inspired by All Saints, was established at St. Francis of Assisi Parish in Dracut.

Grief, illness, separation, and loneliness are some of the most common issues that Stephen Ministers hear from those they care for.

"That's one thing you hear so much," Stephen Minister Susan Schumacher told The Pilot. "Just lonely, 'nobody wants to see me,' and a smiling face is just a great medicine for a problem like that."

Stephen Ministers are not therapists and do not provide any form of medical or life advice. Their goal is simply to be a friend.

"By being able to listen to what they say lots of times, it will take the load off their shoulders, something they have been afraid to express, and it definitely helps," Schumacher said. "And boy, there's lots of people that need help with things like that, because it's a crazy mixed-up world these days."

All Stephen Ministry is confidential and anonymous. All paperwork is done on hard copy to avoid leaving a digital footprint, and all of it is shredded after six months.

"That's how seriously we take confidentiality," Fitzmeyer told The Pilot.

Being a Stephen Minister requires 50 hours of training spread out over six months. There is a two-volume training manual and Stephen Ministries DVDs explaining how caregivers should deal with issues like physical illness, divorce, and end-of-life care. Stephen Ministers make a two-year commitment to caregiving, starting with their first day of training. They are required to spend at least one hour a week with those they care for. The Stephen Ministers meet twice a month for "peer review." The relationship between a caregiver and a care receiver lasts as long as it needs to.

"It's very intensive," Fitzmeyer said, adding that "the number one thing" caregivers learn is how to listen.

Bill Eaton is one of the few male Stephen Ministers at All Saints. He said that being a Stephen Minister taught him to listen. Sometimes, that's enough.

"Guys tend to be that way," he told The Pilot. "You hear a problem, or we hear somebody say something, we see it as a problem. Oh, you must need a solution. No, no, no, no. A lot of times the best thing you can do is shut up."

Mary Ellen O'Shea said that Stephen Ministry taught her how to empathize and be compassionate. One day, she saw Barker sitting alone in church. This wasn't too unusual. O'Shea is used to Barker being "so independent and such an Energizer bunny." O'Shea asked Barker how she was doing, and Barker said she was fine. O'Shea sat next to Barker, and they remained together in silence. Later on, a mutual friend told O'Shea that Barker appreciated having someone sit with her.

"Sometimes it's that companionship, that touch, that listening voice, and just saying 'How can I help?'" O'Shea said. "And this is what I learned in Stephen Ministries. And this, I think I speak for everyone, makes us better and more faithful Catholics."

Caregivers can become those who receive care, and vice versa. In 2024, Schumacher suffered a "very devastating injury" to her hip.

"It just felt like everything went haywire, and I had to wait a long time to get my surgery," she said. "And one of my colleagues became my caregiver, and it changed my life totally."

She was introduced to Padre Pio and now prays daily for his intercession.

"I'm doing so much better, and I can truly tell you that it was an experience to talk about," she said. "It was really fantastic. Helped me in my faith, because at that time when you're in a lot of pain, faith is far away from what you're thinking."

She's excited to meet new care receivers. She knows what Stephen Ministry did for her, and she wants to do the same for others.